The Care of a Loved One

Carol Heidbrier takes care of her mother, 98-year-old June Rehmert. After a fire destroyed her home, she and her husband rebuilt with the mindset of moving June in with them. Eventually Carol realized she needed support and approached Heartland Independent Living Center (HILC) to assist with her mother’s care.

June lives with a series of health conditions; including, dementia, bladder incontinence, hearing loss, congestive heart failure, and COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), which require she live with 24-hour care. HILC’s In-Home program helps Carol care for June with four-day-a-week aides who come into the home. The aides assist by cleaning, bathing, and sometimes just socializing with the person to give family members some much needed rest.

“There are a lot of individuals in her situation,” HILC In-Home Coordinator Sandi Johnson said. “Families are unaware of the services out there to avoid nursing homes. This is better than assisted living facilities because they get to live in the home with family members.”

June is often times restless throughout the night and that affects Carol, who must get up to care for her mother.

“You know I think the most difficult thing for me is probably the nights,” Carol says. “The lack of rest for me because you know she gets up to go to the bathroom two or three times a night. … But I try to get my sleep in. Sometimes if I try to take a nap during the day it’s kind of difficult. I’m sitting in there in a chair and she doesn’t want me to sleep. She wants to talk to me.”

The overwhelming stress 24/7 care puts on families is something Heartland hopes to alleviate by expanding to overnight respite care.

“It’s a constant worry about whether they are doing enough for them,” Johnson said. “They’re working 24/7 essentially. It can be very tiring and patience can wear quickly, even though they love them. Having someone there (overnight) would allow her daughter to get some rest, while she knows her mom is being cared for.”

Carol sits in her mother’s wheelchair and discusses the grocery list with

 her mom. She goes through each ad asking her mother what she wants 

to eat.

Carol is in a constant juggling act of caring for her mother, caring for herself, and completing her own work.

“Of course I have my own housework to do,” Carol says. “Sometimes if I’m raking outside I have to tell her where I’m going. If she can see me she can watch me from the window. But in the summertime, I can take her outside. If I’m working in the garden, I take her outside and let her sit on the porch. I put a straw hat on her so she can watch me wherever I’m at, because you can’t leave her alone for very long periods of time because you don’t know what she is going to do.”

Heartland’s aides relieve Carol, giving June company and keeping her safe, allowing Carol an opportunity to work or run errands

Kyla Tungate, one of Heartland Independent Living Center’s In-

home aides, flips through a nature book with June, while she holds 

her music book. June will often times sing to Kyla while she works.  

“People like Mrs. June are what makes me love my job,” said Kyla Tungate, one of June’s HILC’s In-Home aides. “She makes it all worth it, and there’s no better feeling in the world than knowing that I made a difference in her life, as well as others. I strive to make every day an enjoyable and memorable one. Through the rough times in my life I’ve learned that you never know when one day may be someone’s last, so you've got to make every day count.”

Carol does what she does because she always has. Her mother is not the first person she has cared for when their health declined. Though her mother is deservingof all the care she can give, Carol says.

“I love my mom very much and I know here she has the family environment,” Carol says. “You see, my dad died when she was 39-years-old and she lived alone for a long time. She never got remarried. From that point on she was the family provider and care giver for the children. My youngest sister wasn’t even a year old at the time. She has been a wonderful, wonderful mother and she’s been a caring mother. She’s carried a heavy load and personally I feel that she needs the same love and care that she gave her family. I really do.”

Carol knows that as time progresses her mother’s needs are going to change and it could become harder to care for her.

“Sometimes it gets difficult and you get tired,” Carol says. “Which I am today – I’m tired. It really helps to have the girls (from HILC) come in. As time goes on I know I’m going to need more things to take care of her and make it easier. It’s going to get harder. I think at the rate she’s going she may outlive me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but sometimes I feel that way.”

Heartland Independent Living Center is a nonprofit, community based organization that serves individuals with disabilities in their quest to remain independent in their own homes.  Services include in-home assistance, home modifications and ramps, adaptive equipment, transition assistance from institution to home, and dental services.  Heartland meets accountability standards and holds the Better Business Bureau Charity Seal of Approval. For additional information on their services contact Heartland at 573-437-5100, or visit their website at www.heartlandilc.org. Follow them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/heartlandilcenter.